2018.

31/12/2018


This year has been one of the hardest and most transformative years of my life. 
It began in such a dark, lonely place. I had so deeply forgotten who I was, I allowed negativity and fear to consume me. Fear of failure, judgement, not fitting in. I was scared I wasn't enough. I convinced myself I wasn't worth the love I now know I deserved. I settled time after time and put myself in situations that, both physically and mentally, would drain me to the point I felt it was how I would feel forever. I remember crying on the floor of the shower one night thinking I couldn't remember what it felt like to be truly happy anymore. I thought this emptiness would never go away. I truly believed that was how I would feel forever. 
Then came the shift...
My entire world changed. My perspective of myself and the world around me changed and in turn, so did my reality. I believe it happened in the magical town of Ubud, Bali. The magic and energy of that place helped me to see my truth. I came to realise that I did deserve love. And that my body is a sacred vessel that must be nurtured and treated with love. That food wasn't the enemy and my body was beautiful. I began to eat nourishing and wholesome foods, and never deprived myself of what my body needed ever again. Although my life before this shift was necessary in making the shift happen and helped me learn so so many valuable lessons, I believe Bali is where I began my journey with my soul and spirit as a priority. In other words, I began my "spiritual journey". 
From then on I have learnt more than I ever have in school. Through experience, pain, healing. I've grown so much and healed so many wounds, some I didn't even know I had. I have decided to live from a place of love, return back to my true self and live from love, for love and with love. I no longer allow fear to control me. I allow my emotions to flow through me freely and with acceptance. 
One of the many lessons I had to learn this year was to let go. Let go of people, things and beliefs that limited me or no longer served me. This letting go was one of the toughest challenges I've faced, but I did it, in fact I am still doing it. 
Some other lessons I have learned this year, briefly, are:

  • Allow all your emotions and feelings to flow through you. Don't suppress them or ignore them. Let them come freely and leave as equally freely. Welcome them with acceptance but don't allow them to control you. Take time to sit with your emotions and sort through them, picking out only the ones that will positively serve you, teach you, or need to be healed. 
  • Be grateful for everything you already have instead of focussing on that of which you don't. By doing this you will be actively attracting abundance into your life. Appreciate the little things and the big things will sort themselves out.
  • Manifestation is real. Focus on what you want, write it down, and work hard for it and your dreams will manifest. If you believe wholeheartedly you already have something, sooner or later it will manifest into your life.  
  • Vulnerability is a superpower. Being unapologetically yourself and living an authentic life is the strongest thing one can do. Because it's a whole lot harder to be yourself in a world where everyone else is trying to 'fit it'. Speak your truth, live authentically and never apologise for it.  
  • We are all the same. We are one with each other, animals, nature, and all the energy of the world. Start by loving yourself then extend that love to all other beings. If you wouldn't hurt other humans, why would you hurt another animal? The answer to this becomes quite simple when you realise we are all one, you wouldn't.
  • No one else can love you fully if you don't first love yourself. If you don't love yourself you haven't yet fully stepped into who you are, and without being you fully, no one can love you fully. Self love is the most important kind of love because once you unlock this superpower, you no longer need anyone else's love to feel complete. 
  • Healing is a process and it's not pretty. It's not supposed to be easy, it's hard and painful. It takes time and effort and usually a whole lot of tears. So be kind to yourself. Accept that some days you may need to stay in bed all day or you may find yourself crying all the time, i certainly did for a long time. But all of that was essential in healing, and oh so worth it. 
So as I say goodbye to 2018 I wanna say how grateful I am for all the pain and all the healing. The friends who have stayed by my side and the new ones I've made along the way. And finally I am so fucking grateful to be able to experience yet another year. 2019 will be full of surprises, adventures, challenges, but whatever happens I am ready. 
Happy New Years angels, together lets fly into 2019!


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