your end and my beginning.


I feel as if I have awoken a part of me that for so long was hidden. Like the sun behind the clouds, determined to shine through. I never let myself feel the happiness I deserved. My sadness and my darkness become my obsession and every inch of my body yearned for your cold and cruels hands to wrap around my waist and squeeze until I could no longer breathe. This feeling of suffocation and overwhelming power consumed me until I forgot what the warm sun felt like against my cold, fragile body. I let you squeeze and squeeze, and worse, I liked it. When uncertainty clouded my every thought, the only certain thing I could hold on to was the pain you would inflict me, over and over again. I grasped this certainty like it was my final breath of air. This sense of safety and attention would not only feed my appetite for certainty but filled the part of me I thought I needed. Like a bandaid over a bruise, reassuring but unnecessary.

Until one day the clouds started to move.

Still shading my hot, powerful shine, but no longer blocking it. I started to see where I was heading and a path was forming, a path I knew I had to follow. 

Across the oceans I found a place of true serenity, a place I felt at peace. An energy whirled within me, yearning to find a way out. Words began to entangle themselves around my wounds, slowly mending them. The sun's light beamed down on my skin, kissing my entire being. It's strong energy reminded me of the strength I help within myself. I used this energy, I fed off this energy until I convinced myself I would be okay. Until I broke the harsh barrier of clouds that were between me and my truth, my happiness.

Only this ocean of separation between myself and your possessive hold could clear my clouded sight. 

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