love yourself.

27/06/2018



For so long I looked in the mirror and saw everything wrong with me. All I saw was the "fat" I had around my belly, my stick legs, frizzy hair, smalls boobs, boney ribs and everyday something new I didn't like.
I was ashamed to eat and felt guilty if I ate too much or something not healthy. I felt the need to go work out immediately to try and work off what I just ate.
Everyday I would wake up and the first thing I would do is look in the mirror with a filter of hate and critique. I would allow negative thoughts about myself to enter my consciousness. I was constantly aware of what others would think and wore a mask to 'fit in'. I was so reliant on others opinions to feed my self-worth. 
For me, makeup was something I loved to do. It was fun. It was my art. It was such a huge part of my life. But gradually, as my self-worth and mental state decreased it became a mask for me to wear. Something to protect myself from others judgement, thinking that if I did not wear makeup like all the 'pretty' girls, people would not like me. I hid behind the cosmetics hoping I would look prettier and therefore people who accept me. 
I followed so many people on social media, models, influencers and all these girls I thought had "perfect" bodies. I wanted so badly to look like them. I would tell myself it was a platform for motivation. A way of motivating me to achieve my body goals. But, looking back, I was comparing myself to these women, and hating my body because it wasn't exactly the same. Social media only shows the smallest fraction of these women, their exterior appearance. More often than not this image is edited or styled to only show their "best angles". It isn't real. 

Looking in the mirror I allowed my ego to take over. Self-hatred is rooted so deeply in our society and those who compliment and love themselves are seen as self-centred and obnoxious. This needs to end. 
This change starts with me.
I took off my lense that only saw myself negatively and began seeing my body as the sacred miracle it is. 
A vessel for my soul, a temple hand-crafted by mother earth carrying my soul through this human experience.  
I wake up everyday and look in the mirror and instead of hating on myself I appreciate and recognize all the parts I love about myself and the parts I am still working on loving. By recognizing these parts I can begin to accept them and love myself for every little imperfection. 
I am gradually healing my relationship with food. I have realised that food is a way of nourishing my body and is a gift sent from Gaia. I am no longer obsessively fit and skinny. I listen to my body and allow myself to indulge without feeling guilty. 
My social media platforms are now a place drenched in love and positivity. I can scroll freely letting my soul feel pretty and seeing external beauty as art instead of perfection.

Self love is not something that happens overnight, it takes time and it takes effort. It takes a relentless devotion to yourself.  
Self hatred is simply an illusion. You do not hate yourself, you hate the mask that is suffocating your radiant beauty. Your natural state is love. This feeling of hate is your ego personality and not your greater soul. To embody love is to embody your higher self. 
Learn to embrace your imperfections and realise that you are not beautiful despite your flaws, you are beautiful because of them. 
Just like you, I am perfect just the way I am. 

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